7 Tips for Stopping Negative Self-Talk

You’re caught up in a cycle. You know the one. You’ve been talking down to yourself for a while. Every word in your mind points out your flaws and mistakes to where you think you’re going to go crazy from listening to it if you haven’t already.

Negative self-talk can be just this insidious. It gets in your head, courtesy of previous experiences, and negative input from people who don’t always mean well. Once there, it plays the same song on repeat, growing somehow worse with every retelling until you quit trying. Your dreams stall out, and you find yourself doing very little at all.

Finally, you need to take your life back and put an end to the negative self-talk once and for all.

Easier said than done? Not necessarily. Try these things:

Find the Calm

First of all, you can’t combat anything when you’re overly emotional and overwhelmed mentally. Find a quiet place and sit down to take a few deep breaths. If you can, meditate or try a mindfulness exercise until you can reach a peaceful place internally.

Take Note of What You’re Thinking

Don’t avoid negative thoughts. Listen to them. What are they saying? Whose voice does it sound like?

Dig into the Roots

Now ask yourself what the thought represents. Where did this come from? Is this from an expectation you put on yourself at some point, or does it come from someone else entirely?

Drop the Unreasonable Expectation

Are you trying too hard to be perfect in some regard? Is there a more reasonable expectation you can put on yourself in the place of this thought?

Turn It Around

What is the positive counterpoint to this thought? For example, if you’re worried about how bad you are with money, remind yourself of a time when you saved up for something you wanted, or think about a time when you paid off a debt and how good it felt afterward.

Create a Habit

If this thought is one which comes around often, what is the new thought you want to replace it with? How can you make this thought a habit? Consider this: the more you react in a new way to an old stimulus, the quicker a new habit is formed, and the old reaction disappears.

Just Stop

In the end, the only way to get rid of a negative thought is to consciously put a halt to it. Once you’ve gone through these steps, tell yourself to stop when the idea comes up again, and keep telling it to stop until it goes away completely.

Please note: You don’t have to listen to negativity but sometimes it becomes so firmly entrenched you might have trouble dislodging it by yourself. When this happens, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Talking to a trusted friend or counselor can help you lay this negative chatter to rest once and for all.

5 Ways to Develop Positive Thinking

Not feeling well? Kind of blah and wishing you had something better to say about the day than a mumbled ‘fine’ when someone asks you how you are? The solution might be simpler than you think.

Our attitudes really are everything. When we’re not feeling great about our lives or how the day is going, everything can seem to go wrong. The problem is, life isn’t a steady thing. You might have one really good day followed by another equally bad. With so many things outside of your control from the weather to politics, it might seem impossible to ever truly feel good about anything.

The answer lies in your thinking. By being able to think positively, you will find your entire outlook changes.

How do you develop the habit of positive thinking?

Rephrase

The obvious answer is to use more positive words. Instead of saying something negative, either out loud or in your head, try to find a better way to say things. For example, work isn’t grueling so much as it might have interesting challenges. While this might seem artificial and forced at first, the more you work to rephrase things, the easier it will be to find a more positive spin.

Reframe

How many times have you talked about ‘having’ to do something? This alone has a negative connotation, as though you’re being forced into something you don’t want to do. Instead of trying to drop the word ‘have’ in this context, try inserting ‘get’ instead. You don’t have to do a presentation by Friday. You get to do a presentation on Friday. Hear the difference? This is how you change a task into an opportunity.

Reorient

Sure, disasters are going to happen. Not everything you attempt is going to turn out exactly the way you’d like it to. Rather than focus on the disaster, try changing your focus. It might be time to shift to a slightly different method or goal.

Relax

It’s so hard to be positive when you’re absolutely exhausted and feeling like you’re in over your head. Sometimes the best way to cultivate better self-talk is to cut yourself some slack and take a break. Things will look brighter when you can come back refreshed.

Reassess

Being positive should never be about closing your eyes to tragedy or injustice. Bad things are going to happen in the world. But someone with a positive attitude will be able to look beyond the tragedy to the next step. Positivity finds solutions where others only see problems. Here is the birth of activism and change.

How Can I Stop Avoiding the Tasks I’ve Been Putting Off?

Everyone puts off tasks now and then, but if you find yourself constantly putting off things you need to do, it’s probably time to make some changes in your life. There are several simple ways to help get yourself motivated and stop putting off tasks you’ve been avoiding.

Don’t Make It A Big Deal

When people put off tasks frequently, it’s because they are making the task out to be something much bigger or much more serious in their minds than it is. It’s time to put a stop to this practice in your mind. Tell yourself that the task isn’t that big, and put it back into proportion. It may help to develop a mantra to remind you that the task isn’t so bad and repeat it to motivate yourself.

Focus On Long Term Gains

When you procrastinate, it’s often because you are focusing on short-term annoyances. Such as that you don’t want to get up off the couch right now. Instead, it’s time to focus on the long-term gains of what completing that task will do to benefit you. It may also help to visualize how you will feel after you’ve completed the task and all the benefits you will experience.

Break It Up

If you are putting off a massive task, it may be because it just seems too big to handle all at once. Do yourself a favor and break the task up into smaller, more manageable tasks. You’ll find that you’ll feel less overwhelmed and can conquer the task much easier than you could before.

Set A Deadline

If you constantly tell yourself that you will do something “someday” or “when I have free time,” you will only continue to put off that task. Now is the time to make a schedule and set a deadline for yourself. Schedule a time to complete each of the tasks you need to get done or each part of the more significant tasks you broke down, as mentioned previously. And if you finish on time, consider rewarding yourself as motivation to keep you on task.

Becoming and staying motivated can be very difficult, especially when it is a task you don’t necessarily want to do. But with a slight change of mindset and breaking it down into more manageable pieces, you can accomplish anything, so set a deadline for your tasks and get moving today!

How Can I Stop Procrastinating?

Everyone procrastinates sometimes, but if you find that procrastination is a constant problem for you, it’s time to make a few changes in your life. Below are several tactics you can use to help yourself stop your procrastination habit.

Divide Up The Task

Often, when you procrastinate, you may feel you are facing a massive task you don’t believe you will be able to finish. Put a stop to this thinking by breaking up the task into more manageable pieces. For example, if you were supposed to clean your basement, resolve to clean one of the four corners each day instead of trying to tackle it all at once. This tactic can help make any task more manageable and feel less overwhelming.

Make A Deadline

Now is not the time to tell yourself you will do something “later.” Instead, set a strict timeline for yourself, with sections of your goal having deadlines. This way, you know when you will be completing something. It may also help to have a small reward for yourself along the way. An example of this would be a student needing to write a four-page paper. And for each page the student completes, they would reward themselves with fifteen minutes of phone time.

Stop Your Common Distractions

Usually, when someone procrastinates, it’s for the same reasons each time. Like when you were going to clean the kitchen, but then you just had to watch a new TV show instead. Put a stop to this by eliminating common distractions or procrastination tactics for yourself. If the TV is a distraction for you, maybe it’s time to work in another room.

Spend Time With Motivated People

There is nothing quite like hanging out with someone motivated to boost your motivation. Find a friend or colleague whose motivation you admire, and resolve to spend more time with them. Or get a buddy in on your plans and decide to help keep each other motivated regularly. Either way, it’s much easier to stop procrastinating when you’ve got others around you accomplishing remarkable things!

Overall, discontinuing your procrastination habit can be extremely difficult, but it can be done just by changing some minor things in your life. Start by dividing up the task, making deadlines, and getting rid of your most common distractions. Then surround yourself with other positive people, and you will soon find you procrastinate tasks less than ever before!

5 Tips for Keeping Self-Sabotage at Bay

5 Tips for Keeping Self-Sabotage at Bay

We want to be productive. In fact, you might even wake up in the morning with all kinds of enthusiasm for the projects you’re going to get done during the day.

Now fast forward a few hours, and suddenly you’re dragging yourself home at nightfall wondering where the day went, feeling like you never accomplished anything at all.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Most people feel this way at least sometimes. The trick is to realize that this isn’t something entirely outside of your control. Sure, things are going to happen, which derail you, but more often than not, you’re reaping the fruits of self-sabotage. You’ve derailed yourself, through your own negative self-talk.

How to get past this? Simple! Start with these easy tips:

Listen to Music

It’s hard to get yourself going if your mood is what’s dragging. Thankfully this is a quick fix. Put on some music you love, something fast-paced and catchy for a quick pick-me-up and watch your productivity soar.

Get up and Move

Like listening to music, putting your body in motion will build your energy levels (so long as you’re not trying to run a marathon). Dance around the room, take a brisk walk or try a few jumping jacks to get the blood flowing. Then tackle your task again, wide-awake and energized.

Look Inward

Conversely, sometimes what you need is some quiet time. If you find your mind racing and yourself unable to concentrate on what you’re going, try meditation to slow things down. Find a quiet place, close your eyes, and focus on your breathing. Take deep breaths, nice and slow, and focus yourself on the present until you feel calm again.

Reassess What’s Important

It might be you’re not getting things done because you no longer find value in your goal. If this seems to be the case, take some time to ask yourself some very crucial questions about why you’re on this journey. It might be you either need to shift your goal to something else entirely or, at the very least, adjust the outcome to serve your present needs.

Contribute

When all else fails, if you do not feel your work has value, offer to help someone else. Mentoring is one of those win-win situations where you bring your life skills and experience to help someone else who truly needs it. At the same time, you rediscover your passion through the act of teaching others what you know.

Do all this, and it’s good-bye self-sabotage, hello accomplishment. Soon you’ll be more productive than ever!

 

3 Steps to Finish What You Start

Do you often struggle to finish the projects you start, even when you have every intention of finishing them?

Believe it or not, this is a common problem that most people face. Luckily, you can follow a few steps to ensure that you can become the type of person who finishes a project once you start it.

  1. Make A Plan

The first step to finishing a task is making sure you have a plan at the beginning. It needs to be a plan which you write down. A mental note isn’t worth the piece of paper it is written on. You may want to jump in and start something in your excitement, but you might not realize all the work and challenges you will face. When you take the time to make a plan, this will better prepare you for the task at hand, and you’ll be able to spot problems much more easily.

  1. Take A Break

If you find yourself getting overly frustrated or beginning to loathe the project because you’ve been working on it for so long, it’s okay to take a short break. This break will help reset your mind and focus. You might even be able to solve some of the problems you are facing while you take this little breather. Just make sure that when you set an endpoint to your break, this way you can hold yourself to it and not just abandon the project.

  1. Make Small Goals and Rewards For Yourself

As you plan how you will conquer your task or project, break your goal into smaller mini-goals. Then, cross them off and reward yourself as you complete them. It will help keep you on task, and you’ll be able to feel as if you are making progress, even if it’s small.  This progress will do wonders to keep your spirits high while working on the project. The little rewards you are giving yourself will probably help too.

So next time you get excited about a new project or goal in your life, slow down a bit and make a plan, complete with smaller goals and rewards for yourself. Then, as you pursue the project, don’t be afraid to take small breaks if you need to recuperate. Chances are, thanks to these three steps, you will be much more likely to finish your new goal than leave it abandoned.

Using Positive Affirmations to Combat Stress

Many people use affirmations for personal development and to help them meet their life goals. But did you know you can use affirmations to build resilience and combat stress?

Whether it’s one-off stress like having to give a presentation or an ongoing stressful issue, you can create the right affirmations to support you through. Affirmations will help you deal better with current stress, and over time, prevent future anxiety.

  1. Know Your Negative Enemy

Identifying your negative thoughts is the first step in working out the best affirmations for you and your situation.

Take a moment to think of all the beliefs that come up when you think about your stressful event. Do you worry about not knowing what to say at a party, or freezing while you try to give a presentation? Write down every negative thought that pops into your head. Make the conscious decision to move away from those negative beliefs.

  1. Turn the Negatives into Positives

Now you have your list of negative thoughts; you can take each one and turn it into a positive. Make strong positive statements and remind yourself of times in the past when you coped well in similar situations.

When you develop your affirmations, tie them back to times when you have succeeded in the past. If you can’t think of any, ask your partner, friend, or colleague to help you. Likely they’ll have a much more positive view of your skills and achievements than you do!

Write down some encouraging phrases to get you through, like ‘I’m feeling stressed, but I will be ok,’ ‘I can do this,’ ‘When this is over, I will be so proud of myself.’

  1. Keep Your Affirmations Realistic

Affirmations are not magic. Keep your affirmations in proportion to what you can do and how you feel. If they are too ambitious, they can make you feel more anxious than before.  And if you have a misstep or you fail, then you’ll feel even worse than before.

Maybe you get anxious about public speaking, whether it’s giving a presentation or having a job interview. Your affirmations will help you even more if you know you have done everything possible to be prepared.

If you worry about getting stage fright or going blank, prepare every aspect of your speech or presentation. Remind yourself that you know how to do this, you know your subject.

Anticipate what might go wrong and work out strategies to prevent or deal with it, from having spare notes in case the technology fails to have a glass of water nearby if you feel faint.

5 Tips for Remembering Your Self-Worth

Are you not having a good day? We all falter sometimes. All it takes is a little unasked-for criticism or someone just treating us harshly to trigger us into a spiral of negative self-talk and anxiety about not being liked.

When you need to remind yourself of your worth fast, it’s good to have some ideas in mind. Try these quick tips for getting yourself back on track even when life seems out of control.

Go into a Judgement-Free Zone

OK, so your thoughts aren’t what you wish they would be. You know you’re in a depression cycle. Your emotions are all over the place, and you’re starting to hit critical mass when it comes to criticism. You already know you’re not supposed to be reacting this way. So to make your awful day a little bit worse, you start beating yourself up for how you’re treating yourself. This is entirely the wrong approach. Your first step must be to stop the negative spiral. Drop the judgment. Accept you’re having a bad day. This moment doesn’t have to define you. With these thoughts firmly in mind, it’s time to let things go.

Drop the ‘Should’

Why are you caught up thinking about ‘should’ anyway? The moment you start using this particularly devilish little word, you’re telling yourself what a failure you are. You have become caught up in a vortex of perfectionism; you can’t possibly escape. ‘Should’ never helps anybody. Erase it from your vocabulary.

Stop Looking for Validation

Anytime you think someone else can give you what you need to feel good about yourself, you’re going to be disappointed. People will let you down. Even in the best relationship, it’s not healthy to use someone else to define who you are. This kind of thinking can be dangerous. What if the person you relied upon was no longer in your life? How would this then impact your self-worth?

Come to Terms with the Past

It’s time to separate your actions from yourself. When you make a mistake, acknowledge the error and move on. To get caught in shame or guilt only hurts you in the long run. There is nothing to be gained by victimizing yourself. Forgive yourself and move on.

Know Where You Excel

For a super-quick fix to your self-worth, take a moment to list off the things in which you excel. Acknowledge your accomplishments. A close examination of all the things which make you proud should give you a solid reminder you are indeed worthy.

By paying attention to these five areas, you can quickly restore your self-worth. The key is to be alert and move quickly to head off negative thoughts before they undo all the hard work you’ve already put into yourself.